Thursday, April 29, 2010

Mailbag: I'm a girl, how can I upgrade MY dating life?

Saw a fantastic post over at about how a woman can upgrade their dating lives. I've tweaked it a bit, but it's gold. Major props to intjpua.
Girls have a lot of options, even if they aren't beautiful.

Note that a lot of this stuff applies to men, too.

Get fit. If you aren't in good shape, start getting there. Eat right, workout (lift weights for 20-30 minutes 3 days a week, do an hour of cardio the other days), and stop watching TV and/or sitting on the computer.. Cancel your cable. The average person spends hours watching TV every day. That shit is like crack.

Eat Better. This is actually very easy and doable. Fast food is no longer a part of your life. Period. At all. Just stop it. You should have to think back to remember the last time you ate out, and WAY back to remember the last fast food you ate. If you keep eating it, you might as well just give up, because are wasting your time. It's shit and you know it.

This goes for Soda as well. It's not a part of your life. At all. Ever. You drink water and sometimes ice tea now. If you get coffee, it's real coffee. Not frapa-mocha-whateverthefuck.  Within two to three weeks, your body will flush all the high fructose corn syrup out of your system and that stuff will start to taste like the garbage it is to you. You will drop weight like you've never seen in your life.

Lunch is now lean cuisine or Healthy choice. They are in the freezer section of the grocery store. You don't go out for lunch at work every day any more. You get your meal out of the freezer in the break room, you heat it, and eat it. You can have some pretzels or wheat thins in the afternoon for a snack.  If you are just starving the first week or two, eat one Healthy Choice (the whole meal is only 300calories) about 11am, and another around 2pm.  Within two weeks your stomach will have shrunk and one will do you. You will be dropping 10-12 pounds a month if you eat like this and work out.

Get outside for fun activities, and you'll dramatically increase your odds of meeting someone awesome.

For high quality men, fitness is a primary qualification for girls. They're in pretty good shape, eat healthy, work out, live an active lifestyle, etc. They expect the same from the girls they date. They're just not attracted to big girls, and without physical attraction, there's no chance of an intimate relationship.

If you want a quick jump start on fitness, get the P90x or Insanity cardio program DVD's. They really, really, for real work. In two months your will transform your body. And they are fun. There is zero reason to be in an expensive gym and waste time driving there, and other bullshit. Get your company computer nerd to burn some copies of it if your poor, or spend the lousy $99 and get the real deal. This will get you the body you want faster and cheaper than a personal trainer.

Get clean and neat. Whiten your teeth, get braces if you need them (Invisalign are pricey, but aren't extremely visible while you have them).  Nothing messes up a cute girl like a missing tooth or jacked up grill. It doesn't have to be perfect, just normal.

Make sure you clean up before going out, even if it's just for the grocery or drug store. There may be men there.

Dress nicely. Honestly assess the state of your clothes (check with a friend who seems to have an abundance of great men in her life, if you aren't sure what you're doing wrong or what you should do differently).

Be well-groomed. Have a nice, current, hairstyle? Many men say they prefer long hair, however a good flattering haircut is better than long hair that doesn't suit your face and body. Check with that friend again on your hair. Go to a good stylist (find one on Yelp) and pay the $75-$150 it takes to get a really good haircut (cheaper places can probably keep that haircut in shape for the following few months).

Keep your legs shaved and your lady parts ready for action; your mental state is affected by lots of little details, and if you feel "unavailable" because of hair in places you don't want hair, you'll give off that vibe in subtle ways. It will hurt your chances.

Makeup. Guys vary wildly in what kind of makeup they like on a girl. If you don't like wearing makeup, shoot for one of the guys that doesn't like a lot of makeup (we're out here; I hate big waxy looking red lips, heavy blush and eyeliner, etc.). But, even natural beauty is improved with a little makeup. If you don't know makeup, go get some lessons from the girls at the department store counter.

So, those are the "get hot" aspects of attracting men...but you can also be more assertive without being weird.
I went on a social bike ride a recently, and one girl there was absolutely awesome in her assertiveness. She'd pull up beside someone she hadn't talked to, and say, "Hey, shy guy. What's your name?" It's no coincidence that she's happily married, and the center of a huge social circle. She was a total alpha chick, and men totally dug her for it. If you see a guy you like the looks of, and he's not being very talkative, this is an awesome way to talk to him.

Hang around fun girls that aren't bitches or depressing. You are a composite of your friends. If you surround yourself with high quality, fun, active, supportive, positive energy friends, you are jumped way ahead in your quest.  These are the people you want to be around. They attractive positive energy,and  active, high quality men.

Be fun when you're out with your friends. Sit in your friends' laps, make racy jokes, smack each other on the ass, etc. There are tons of reasons for's an opening for guys to start joking and talking to you, it's sexy, and turns guys on. It also keeps you in the right frame of mind for playing with guys when they come along. You want to be playfully teasing guys from the moment you start feeling some attraction. This doesn't mean the drunk party girl. You can be classy AND fun.

As a greyhound to a rabbit, guys love the chase...but you need to shake your little bunny tail now and then to keep them chasing.


  1. Hey asshole,

    How about giving credit when you blatantly rip off an entire comment from reddit?

    Yeah, I'm the guy that wrote this (except for the three or four spammy, shitty paragraphs; I wrote all the good bits). The polite thing to do is give credit where credit is due.

  2. He's not an asshole. :(

  3. What does sshields have to do with this post? He certainly was not the one to first post it, although he does have a fair bit of good posts.

    Even if he owns the blog or was the original intended recipient of the comment, the fact remains that he did not attribute the source of the post and even tried to pass it off as his own work.

    That's known as "plagiarism". Please do the right thing, and give credit to intjpua (


  5. The comments are 100% correct on this. Typically, we try hard to attribute source whenever possible.
    Yesterday, I wrote several posts and instead of this one being saved as a draft until permission was received, which is standard procedure, it got posted live.
    Am talking to intjpua currently. We'll either pull the article or keep it up with proper attribution.
    Thanks everyone. - Bon

  6. Thanks for the apology, and the attribution.

    I'd prefer you use traditional quoting when intermingling your own commentary.

    This does remind me, however, that we should probably work with the mods to get an official seddit wiki up and running (at pbwiki or wikia or something similar), so that there is a place for the best basic principles posts to get published and be editable by other members of the community, so that core knowledge can be posted and expanded on over time. Occasionally, people post stuff that is really enlightening and useful outside of the context of the original comment or submission, and it'd be worth having a record of those things. Per Intjpua