Thursday, April 29, 2010

Mailbag: Winning back an Ex

We get a lot of mail here at TBL.

Some of the most common are from men looking to get back an ex.  Can it be done? Usually. Should it be done? No.

I know you're special, and she's special, and you guys had something more amazing than anyone else ever has or will.

After you've broken up, you are both different people. You may not be able to tell, but you are.

You are still in love with the person you fell in love with. She's not that person anymore. Neither are you.

If you haven't gone through this process enough to understand the above as truth, then you'll unfortunately have to so that you can mature emotionally as a man.

So, here's the process that actually works. It will hurt. You will grow. Be careful what you wish for.

1) Let them go

2) Start going out and making new friends

3) Completely cut contact. No helping, or checking on them, or anything. Cold complete turkey

4) Improve yourself.

A) Start hitting the gym. When you start getting in shape, it pumps endorphins into your body, making you happier and a cooler person to be around

B) Get outside. Force yourself to go out at LEAST three times a week. Go get a beer. Go dancing. Go to the lake. Walk your dog at the dog park.

C) CALL (don't text) every friend you have and invite them out to do something. See what they are up to. Help them out with something. Go over their house. DON'T piss and moan and talk about your ex. Talk about anything else.

D) Go buy some new clothes. If you've been in a relationship for a long time, you are out of style. Yes, you.

E) If you're a guy, check out some dating websites to get your game back in tune.

F) When you haven't talked to your ex in a couple months, they WILL text you and wonder why you haven't called them. This is what you want. Just play it cool and have a lot going on. Don't PRETEND and bullshit having a lot going on, ACTUALLY for real have a lot going on. This is the most attractive possible thing you can do.

G) Be careful what you wish for. The first day or two of your ex wanting you back will make you feel good and like an answer to a prayer. Day three will remind you why you broke up. By the end of week one with them back you'll remember allllll their old bullshit that drove you nuts. If you have sex, it'll be great, but not as great because you'll be thinking about what everything means. Is this gonna work? What did they say to wreck you to their fam/friends/social circle? You'll more than likely wonder what the hell you are thinking.

You will probably dump them.

Good luck. :)

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