A Strong Man

Many people believe you have to be aggressive or dominating to be an alpha, a leader, a strong man. 

This isn't always the case. Here's a truly good man who lead by example. He was a Marine sniper, and Vietnam veteran, and a good man.

From Mr. Rogers during his lifetime achievement award acceptance award speech:

He made a small bow and said into the microphone, "All of us have special ones who have loved us into being.  Would you just take, along with me, ten seconds to think of the people who have helped you become who you are?  Ten seconds of silence."  He then lifted his wrist, looked at the audience, looked at his watch, and said, "I'll watch the time."   There was, at first, a small whoop from the crowd, a giddy, strangled hiccup of laughter, as people realized that he wasn't kidding, that Mister Rogers was not some convenient eunuch, but rather a man, an authority figure who actually expected them to do what he asked.  And so they did.  Once second, two seconds, seven seconds -- and now the jaws clenched, and the bosoms heaved, and the mascara ran, and the tears fell upon the beglittered gathering like rain leaking down a crystal chandelier.  And Mister Rogers finally looked up from his watch and said softly, "May God be with you." to all his children.

Fred Rogers. RESPECT. 

Credit: iStig for the link

Man enough to date a tall woman?

Saw this great article over at cnn.com written by a tall woman on dating her. Tweaked it. Read below.
 
Beautiful women come in all shapes and sizes. One of the rarest, and most rewarding, is a tall woman.

Their long, beautiful bodies are the thing of mens' dreams and fantasies. They look good in anything, but when they dress to enhance their long legs, common men literally walk into walls and lose all ability to think or function.

It takes a lot of self confidence for a man to date a tall woman. If you don't have self confidence, you probably won't survive the first few interactions.

If you have your inner game on lock, you should truly know that most people have the same basic needs and desires. They want to have fun, feel good, and be with someone attractive that brings value to their lives.

This is no different for stunningly beautiful women.

Don't change the way you talk to someone based on how they look. Talk to them like a regular person, because that's who they are. If you are not truly self confident, then you are in for a short, miserable relationship. Tall women typically have tall friends. This includes guy friends. You are wasting your time if you keep any type of insecurity in yourself. She is with YOU, not THEM, because she likes WHO you are and how you make her FEEL .  Nothing is as big a turnoff to a girl as having to constantly reassure a weak, insecure guy.

Keep this in mind as well. When you show up with that tall, stunningly beautiful woman on your arm, everyone is thinking the same thing: "How the hell did he pull THAT?"  Everyone is going to assume it's money, or power, or whatever they want to make up. The truth is usually simply that they have fun together, and he's a confident man that understands she's a normal person who just happens to be tall.

If you don't make it a big deal, it's not a big deal.  Relax! If you want to keep around some boots to even you guys out, it should be simply as a courtesy to her to help her not feel awkward in social situations, not to calm your fragile ego. She's fine with the fact she's tall. Let it be fine for you.

As kids, tall girls get teased for their height.  Not everyone is 5'10 in the eight grade.  If you love her height, let her know! Don't make a spectacle of it. She'll love you for it.

Now get out there, and go get the tall, beautiful, girl of your dreams.  







Chances are she's waiting for you -- with her heels on.

Mailbag: I'm a girl, how can I upgrade MY dating life?

Saw a fantastic post over at reddit.com about how a woman can upgrade their dating lives. I've tweaked it a bit, but it's gold. Major props to intjpua.
********************
Girls have a lot of options, even if they aren't beautiful.

Note that a lot of this stuff applies to men, too.

Get fit. If you aren't in good shape, start getting there. Eat right, workout (lift weights for 20-30 minutes 3 days a week, do an hour of cardio the other days), and stop watching TV and/or sitting on the computer.. Cancel your cable. The average person spends hours watching TV every day. That shit is like crack.

Eat Better. This is actually very easy and doable. Fast food is no longer a part of your life. Period. At all. Just stop it. You should have to think back to remember the last time you ate out, and WAY back to remember the last fast food you ate. If you keep eating it, you might as well just give up, because are wasting your time. It's shit and you know it.

This goes for Soda as well. It's not a part of your life. At all. Ever. You drink water and sometimes ice tea now. If you get coffee, it's real coffee. Not frapa-mocha-whateverthefuck.  Within two to three weeks, your body will flush all the high fructose corn syrup out of your system and that stuff will start to taste like the garbage it is to you. You will drop weight like you've never seen in your life.

Lunch is now lean cuisine or Healthy choice. They are in the freezer section of the grocery store. You don't go out for lunch at work every day any more. You get your meal out of the freezer in the break room, you heat it, and eat it. You can have some pretzels or wheat thins in the afternoon for a snack.  If you are just starving the first week or two, eat one Healthy Choice (the whole meal is only 300calories) about 11am, and another around 2pm.  Within two weeks your stomach will have shrunk and one will do you. You will be dropping 10-12 pounds a month if you eat like this and work out.

Get outside for fun activities, and you'll dramatically increase your odds of meeting someone awesome.

For high quality men, fitness is a primary qualification for girls. They're in pretty good shape, eat healthy, work out, live an active lifestyle, etc. They expect the same from the girls they date. They're just not attracted to big girls, and without physical attraction, there's no chance of an intimate relationship.

If you want a quick jump start on fitness, get the P90x or Insanity cardio program DVD's. They really, really, for real work. In two months your will transform your body. And they are fun. There is zero reason to be in an expensive gym and waste time driving there, and other bullshit. Get your company computer nerd to burn some copies of it if your poor, or spend the lousy $99 and get the real deal. This will get you the body you want faster and cheaper than a personal trainer.

Get clean and neat. Whiten your teeth, get braces if you need them (Invisalign are pricey, but aren't extremely visible while you have them).  Nothing messes up a cute girl like a missing tooth or jacked up grill. It doesn't have to be perfect, just normal.

Make sure you clean up before going out, even if it's just for the grocery or drug store. There may be men there.

Dress nicely. Honestly assess the state of your clothes (check with a friend who seems to have an abundance of great men in her life, if you aren't sure what you're doing wrong or what you should do differently).

Be well-groomed. Have a nice, current, hairstyle? Many men say they prefer long hair, however a good flattering haircut is better than long hair that doesn't suit your face and body. Check with that friend again on your hair. Go to a good stylist (find one on Yelp) and pay the $75-$150 it takes to get a really good haircut (cheaper places can probably keep that haircut in shape for the following few months).

Keep your legs shaved and your lady parts ready for action; your mental state is affected by lots of little details, and if you feel "unavailable" because of hair in places you don't want hair, you'll give off that vibe in subtle ways. It will hurt your chances.

Makeup. Guys vary wildly in what kind of makeup they like on a girl. If you don't like wearing makeup, shoot for one of the guys that doesn't like a lot of makeup (we're out here; I hate big waxy looking red lips, heavy blush and eyeliner, etc.). But, even natural beauty is improved with a little makeup. If you don't know makeup, go get some lessons from the girls at the department store counter.

So, those are the "get hot" aspects of attracting men...but you can also be more assertive without being weird.
I went on a social bike ride a recently, and one girl there was absolutely awesome in her assertiveness. She'd pull up beside someone she hadn't talked to, and say, "Hey, shy guy. What's your name?" It's no coincidence that she's happily married, and the center of a huge social circle. She was a total alpha chick, and men totally dug her for it. If you see a guy you like the looks of, and he's not being very talkative, this is an awesome way to talk to him.

Hang around fun girls that aren't bitches or depressing. You are a composite of your friends. If you surround yourself with high quality, fun, active, supportive, positive energy friends, you are jumped way ahead in your quest.  These are the people you want to be around. They attractive positive energy,and  active, high quality men.

Be fun when you're out with your friends. Sit in your friends' laps, make racy jokes, smack each other on the ass, etc. There are tons of reasons for this...it's an opening for guys to start joking and talking to you, it's sexy, and turns guys on. It also keeps you in the right frame of mind for playing with guys when they come along. You want to be playfully teasing guys from the moment you start feeling some attraction. This doesn't mean the drunk party girl. You can be classy AND fun.

As a greyhound to a rabbit, guys love the chase...but you need to shake your little bunny tail now and then to keep them chasing.
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Opportunity

If you read the post below on winning back an ex, then you are probably not in the right frame of mind.

You should not be looking backwards. You should be looking AROUND.

You want happiness? GO GET IT.  Can't find a girl that makes you happy? Can't find one that's cute/smart/classy/intelligent enough? OPEN YOUR EYES. You are literally swimming in them.

Roissy recently wrote an outstanding piece on opportunity.  Read it. This is how it really works.

Opportunity article

Today we’ll accompany an average American, SWPL Six-pack, on his daily routine as he makes an effort to meet a number of attractive women that he sees.

It’s a Saturday. He gets up in the morning, showers, dresses and walks to the Starbucks down the block. While waiting at an intersection for the light to change, he notices an attractive girl standing next to him. He pivots to say something to her.

“I’ve got thirty seconds before the light changes to flirt with you. Ready?”

On the sidewalk in front of the Starbucks, he passes another attractive girl.
“Excuse me. Could you tell me where the nearest Starbucks is?”

In Starbucks, waiting in line, he speaks to the attractive girl standing ahead of him.
“Ever notice how fast the Starbucks barristas work in the morning? They must take a triple shot before their shift.”

Outside, holding his drink, he walks to the post office to drop off a letter. On the sidewalk an attractive girl walks toward him.

"Hi!”

At the post office, an attractive girl puts a letter in the mailbox.
“Be careful, that box sends all love letters to my address.”

Leaving the post office, he walks to a clothing store to make some purchases. On the walk over, nine attractive girls pass by him.
“Hi.”
“Hi!”
“Hi there.”
“Hey.”
“Good morning!”
“Excuse me. Where is the nearest dog grooming shop?”
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“Hello!”

At the store, a girl hovers around the sunglass display.
“You’ll want sunglasses that hide which guys you’re checking out. Don’t worry, you don’t make me self-conscious.”

In the lingerie section, an attractive girl rifles through bras.
“I need to buy something for Mother’s Day. Too frilly?”

Back on the sidewalk, he stops at a street vendor to buy a warm pretzel. An attractive girl is there as well.
“I know this pretzel. I think this guy shops at Costco and marks up 1,000 percent.”

He goes home to get his frisbee. He plans to meet a friend at the local park. On the way home, five more attractive girls ping his visual field.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“Hi!”
“Hi.”
“Happy Saturday!”

On the walk to the park, two more attractive girls. He pretends to throw the frisbee to them.
“Catch!”
“Catch! Ohh, too slow.”

At the park, he and his friend spend more time ogling the girls than tossing the frisbee. A throw goes astray and lands near the feet of an attractive girl.
“I had my buddy throw it near you on purpose. I’m smooooooth.”

After playing frisbee, he goes to dinner at a local cafe with his friend. An attractive girl serves them.
“I heard the waitresses here are good flirters. Ok, let’s see what you’ve got.”

Dinner ends, and his friend leaves. He goes to Whole Foods to pick up some smelly cheese and grass-fed beef for the week. On the walk to Whole Foods, three attractive girls and one incredibly ugly girl pass him.
“Hi.”
“Hi!”
“Hi.”
*silence*

Loitering in the cheese section, he notices one of his exes is there. He sidles up to an attractive girl rummaging through the assortment of goat cheeses.
“Hey, I just noticed my ex is here. Right over there. I’m going to ask you a favor. Pretend you’re flirting with me so I can make her jealous. I’ll return the favor by flirting back. Trust me, you’ll thank me.”

Back at home, cutting off a hunk of cheese and downloading new Yeah Yeah Yeahs music, he makes plans to hit the local social venue with his buddies. Once arrived, he orders drinks from the attractive girl bartender.
“Don’t think this means we have something going on.”

A few hours socializing and drinking, he has met and spoken with six attractive girls. Walking home later that night, he steps next to an attractive girl at an intersection.
“I like your hat. Very trendy right now.”
He goes home to sleep, a full day behind him.
***

The above did not actually happen. Or, more to the point, it is not an accurate depiction of a day in the life of the typical, average American man who wishes he could meet more women. The number of attractive girls he saw on that Saturday is realistic, but the number of those girls he spoke to is, woefully, not.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t have the wittiest opener, or the smoothest delivery. If you open your mouth and say something as benign as “Hi” to thirty-eight attractive girls on a single Saturday, you will have rocketed yourself ahead of 99% of men who passed by those same girls and said nothing. You would have brought yourself closer to sex with at least one of those girls that wouldn’t have been the case had you walked by them silently, cursing your inaction once the moment evaporated.

Now add in a little game. You’ve just hurdled 99.9% of men who pass by those girls without muttering a word on that typical, “boring” Saturday.

Opportunity is everywhere for those with the eyes to see.

Mailbag: Winning back an Ex

We get a lot of mail here at TBL.

Some of the most common are from men looking to get back an ex.  Can it be done? Usually. Should it be done? No.

I know you're special, and she's special, and you guys had something more amazing than anyone else ever has or will.

After you've broken up, you are both different people. You may not be able to tell, but you are.

You are still in love with the person you fell in love with. She's not that person anymore. Neither are you.

If you haven't gone through this process enough to understand the above as truth, then you'll unfortunately have to so that you can mature emotionally as a man.

So, here's the process that actually works. It will hurt. You will grow. Be careful what you wish for.


1) Let them go

2) Start going out and making new friends

3) Completely cut contact. No helping, or checking on them, or anything. Cold complete turkey

4) Improve yourself.

A) Start hitting the gym. When you start getting in shape, it pumps endorphins into your body, making you happier and a cooler person to be around

B) Get outside. Force yourself to go out at LEAST three times a week. Go get a beer. Go dancing. Go to the lake. Walk your dog at the dog park.

C) CALL (don't text) every friend you have and invite them out to do something. See what they are up to. Help them out with something. Go over their house. DON'T piss and moan and talk about your ex. Talk about anything else.

D) Go buy some new clothes. If you've been in a relationship for a long time, you are out of style. Yes, you.

E) If you're a guy, check out some dating websites to get your game back in tune.

F) When you haven't talked to your ex in a couple months, they WILL text you and wonder why you haven't called them. This is what you want. Just play it cool and have a lot going on. Don't PRETEND and bullshit having a lot going on, ACTUALLY for real have a lot going on. This is the most attractive possible thing you can do.

G) Be careful what you wish for. The first day or two of your ex wanting you back will make you feel good and like an answer to a prayer. Day three will remind you why you broke up. By the end of week one with them back you'll remember allllll their old bullshit that drove you nuts. If you have sex, it'll be great, but not as great because you'll be thinking about what everything means. Is this gonna work? What did they say to wreck you to their fam/friends/social circle? You'll more than likely wonder what the hell you are thinking.

You will probably dump them.

Good luck. :)

Men's Suits for Under a Thousand

Every man over the age of twenty-one should own a suit. A good one.

We all have the ill fitting horror that your mom took you shopping for so you could go to that one thing. Burn it. Or better yet, donate it.

You don't have to be a millionaire to look like one.

Here are some looks you can build that won't break the bank, but will catapult you forward in your career and self confidence.  A suit is something you have to invest in.

New York Times Article on Stylish, Inexpensive Suits

Remember, when in doubt when comes to men's fashion, go with classic over trendy.

And don't forget the Shoes

There's a reason Frank still looks good.
 

Improving your life

Improving your life has to be a total effort.

Learning to meet people isn't enough. You have to improve who you are.  This includes changing what you do.

Women CRAVE a man that is active and outdoors. They want to be that themselves, so they are looking for a man who lives that lifestyle and will bring them into that world.

You want to be doing things that are fresh and exciting and will make that girl "God, I can't WAIT to tell my girlfriends I met this cool guy that's into "insert active lifestyle activities here".

One of the most fun, exhilarating things you can get into is the new sport of kitesurfing.  Not only is it reasonably priced to get into ($1200-1500ish for full size kitesurfing. $150ish for trainer kites, learning), it's also something you'll truly love and have a passion for.

It's win/win on a number of levels.

A) You are out in the sun getting a tan

B) You are outside

C) You are surrounded by other healthy, active guys. This means instant social circle.

D) You aren't sitting around shitty gas stations with the bike or car club.

E)  You are teaching her something, and bringing her into a world she's never experienced.

F) It's hardcore cardio, which means you're getting into and maintaing great shape.

G) You get in touch with nature and yourself. It's all on you. Succeed or fail, crash hard, or touch the face of God.

H) Make this your world. Kitesurfing


You don't have to live somewhere tropical. We live in the middle of Oklahoma City, and kite surf at the city lake. It's AMAZING and there are thousands of people there every nice day watching and wishing they were flying with us.

If you can't afford to go full pop into it, go order a two meter trainer kite and take it to the park/lake. As you learn to fly it, and start having fun with it, you'll notice people coming up and opening YOU. Girls, guys, families, everyone. It's amazing to watch these fly, and everyone (including beautiful, fit, outdoorsy girls) will want to learn.

It's up to YOU to decide who to have friendly conversations with, and who to spend the afternoon teaching.

AMOG basics

If you are going out a lot, you'll sooner or later have to deal with AMOGs . It stands for "Alpha Male Other Guy". These guys attempt to bully or out Alpha you in an attempt to show dominance, and therefore social value.

This is actually a GOOD thing because it means you are projecting high enough value to be a threat to other Alphas for competition for the highest value women. They are testing you to see if you really ARE an alpha, or a faker.  Women will watch these interactions with GREAT interest. Not just your girl, but every girl in the room. Your girl will tell her girlfriends the next day about the interaction, win or lose.

You should already be an Alpha yourself (or working on it in the form of inner game, body language, confidence, and lifestyle), so most of the time they will recognize that value and either partner up with you, or even qualify themselves TO you. This is a GREAT gauge of how good your body language is. If they are trying to punk you, you're body language conveys that you are of lower value. If they try to qualify to you, they believe you to be of equal or higher value. You're body language is on lock.

If you catch them qualifying to you, simply friend them and ignore. If they are lame, ignore them so you don't lower your own value.

Many articles have been written on anti-AMOG tactics. I won't cover all of them, look them up.  Here are some basics though that will cover 95% of what you'll see in real life.


When in doubt, ignore if possible, then move away.

If they are up in your shit, friend them, then ignore.

If you can't ignore them, keep excluding them from the conversation. Act like they didn't even say anything, start talking about other stuff while they are still talking, etc. Try to not acknowledge anything. Never laugh at anything they say. The second you acknowledge them, you are bringing their value up to the same level as yours.

If at all possible, be having more fun than them.

Confronting is almost always lose lose. (The exception is to out AMOG the AMOG before he gets very far by bringing 10x the energy level to the interaction.) Here's an exchange that happened at a surf spot where a guy was standing a little too close to TN's girl this weekend.

RandomDood: "Hey girl, chatty chat lame chat."

TN: (Catches Dood about to run game because TN's game is airtight. Walks up to RD fast. REAL fast. Big smile. Laser beam eye contact on Dood.) "I fucking LOVE your bike. That is a SICK fucking bike. God DAMN you are a cool motherfucker." (BIG friendly slap on back. Standing CLOSE. REAL CLOSE.)

Randomdood: (shocked, not prepared for the energy difference TN just brought.) "Um, oh, yeah. It's coo.."

TN: (Cutting him off) "No, YOU'RE fucking cool. Come hang out with us any time." (Still big smile)

Randomdood: (Backs WAY up off TN's girl. Catches the implied drift. Realizes he's just been handed his hat.)

TN's Girl: :) (Realizes what just happened, and the fact that she's dating the REAL alpha.)

Outsmarting them verbally to their face to "win" only happens in movies and in nerds' minds. Remember, movies are written by nerdy screenwriters. Notice TN handled everything with energy and body language.

Roosh over at Rooshv.com wrote the quickest, cleanest tactic I've ever seen if you get caught already in a verbal joust and need a quick out. Here it is, paraphrased from memory out of his outstanding book "Bang".

Randomdood: (Walks up into Roosh's set and starts gaming the girl Roosh has already been gaming for twenty minutes.) "Hey!! What's going on over here? Damn, you're cute."

Roosh: "Wait. (Points at girl) Do you like her?"
*Note: The guy has just been called out. He really only has two choices.
A) He says "Um Yeah." This automatically throws up her creeper screen and disqualifies him because remember that Attraction = Not conveying interest. Also, he's still just a random dood. Why would he like her other than looks?
B) He says "No, I'm just out having fun, etc, etc, blah blah". At this point he's already put his dick in a box and he's D-O-N-E.
Regardless of what he says you already have hand, so you simply have to hand him his hat.

Roosh: "That's cool. Well, there are plenty of cute girls here. Good luck brother, Don't give up!!"



If you find yourself getting AMOG'd a lot, then you are drawing it to yourself. I can count on one hand the number of AMOG situations I've dealt with in ten years of going out.

If a guy is trying to AMOG you, out to steal your girl, then some basics will help. The easiest way is to look up AMOG on Youtube. There are some great tutorials on body language to cut them out in a social setting.

Most of the time all you have to do is turn your girl a bit or pull her to the side and face both of your backs to them.
If they are still trying to work in or buy her drinks, then simply grab your girl by BOTH hands and pull her away physically to another location "Hey, I want to show you something cool." When you get her away, say "Here's the something cool, me." Then tickle her and continue gaming.

If you are dealing with a drunk asshole, it's always lose lose. If you confront them, you lose because you're in a fight. If you try a battle of wits, etc, you lose before you've even opened your mouth because you're acknowledging them as an equal. The best course of action is to "girl code" your girl by rolling your eyes and smiling a bit in a "wow, what a drunk idiot" way and/or mouthing the word "creepy" or "creeper" if you can get away with it.

Always be moving her away from the negative vibes of an AMOG.

Remember, Pickup, at it's core, boils down to this:

Become an expert in how to feel good.

Anything that isn't good feelings, is not moving you in a positive direction with the girl.

How to knock a shit test out of the park

Shit Test:
A shit test is when a woman gives a guy a hard time, usually for the purpose of seeing how he will react. Because women (especially attractive women) are hit on all the time, they have developed behaviors that quickly disqualify potential suitors that are not of a high enough value for her. The shit test is one way to do this. Shit tests can be challenges, IODs or reframes.


Saw this exchange between one of our students and a girl recently. He was playing cheesy pickup line anti-game game.  The way it was handled was not only excellent, but spiked her attraction enough for them to be making out an hour later.

Him:  "If I told you you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?"

Her:  "I have a Taser in my purse. I can hold that against you."

Him: (bare ghost of a smirk. Laserbeam eye contact) "I sensing some electricity between us."

Her: "Really? I'm sensing resistance."

Him: "We're past that. Now there's definately a spark."


You'll notice that she was shit testing him for intelligence. Most of the time shit tests fall in the realm of social intuition and self confidence. When you are picking up top tier girls, remember that a good number of them are not only beautiful, but extremely intelligent and educated. Bring your "A" game.

Lazy man's guide to bagging tens

So you just found out about game.

You don't have time to actually read anything or study pickup at all like the successful guys. You're going out TONIGHT and want to bag some TENS baby.

Luckily, we have just the solution.

Step One: Visualize the quality of girls you want

Step Two: Visualize the girls you are currently getting

Step Three: Utilize your trusty and TBL approved "Ten bagging Tool"

Step Four: Enjoy!!

Note:  This can also be used to upgrade existing wives/girlfriends.