Thursday, December 17, 2009

Naked Hot Tub Neighbors

As much as having a hot tub rocks, remember your poor neighbors.


Here's a letter from one of them.

  1. You guys are freaking hilarious.  At the very least please record the audio from your night.  Last weekend's favorite quote: "I want your boobies to kiss my boobies."
  2. Please hand out a lyrics sheet to all members of the hot tub.  I would love to help pick the songs, if I'm going to have to listen to them.
  3. Let's make it an official rule. Every time a guy stands up, you ladies must yell at the top of your lungs "Cocktail!" and then drink.  Also for every time someone says boobies, the group drinks.
  4. Plastic Only! - Lesson Learned
  5. Just say "Turn off your porch light." rather than unscrewing it.  I will hop right up and do it.  I didn't realize when you were having someone unscrew a light it was mine.
  6. In the event you are playing "guess who's foot.", please be clear with your rules.  There seemed to be some confusion in the past.
  7. I didn't quite catch all the shapes that had been shaved in the ladies' Whoonie Nananas.  Please redo that conversation and this time a little louder.
  8. Bring back Willie.  Everyone loves Willie.  Or even better, just get Jack Black.  My favorite part was hearing him talk about how much he loves being a soccer coach to these little kids while he is sitting buck ass naked in a hot tub.  Somehow naked hot tubs and talks of children don't seem to mix.
  9. Start and finish times; 3:30am to 5:30 throws my schedule completely off.  Can we shoot for 1-3am?
  10. Thanks for describing the cup sizes.  Let's make that a habit.  Really, feel free to be as descriptive as possible.  When I compared notes with the other neighbors, we weren't exactly sure who had what.  Maybe repeat your name after the description.
  11. After this weekend we will have two more neighbors.  They will be living upstairs and I am guessing will have a pretty unobstructed view.  I do not know if they will find you as funny as I do.  Maybe an invite for them?
  12. Bathroom use.  Kudos to all of you who got OUT of the hot tub!  The couple of you who didn't... Shame!
  13. The ass smacking, although it sounded solid, I think needs some more work.  Don't be shy.  Really get after it!  After all, you're drunk, and you'll need something to remember it by.
  14. If you find yourself in a lull, feel free to just yell "Boobies!" or "Cocktail!" for no apparent reason.
  15. Last rule.  Please only have very attractive naked hot tub party attendees.  Unless you follow strict rules of bringing them home after I have gone to bed.  This will allow me to imagine it is Halle Berry, Jessica Alba, and Pam Anderson in your hot tub.
Last weekend, rather than get mad and try to sleep, I thought "Screw it. I'll just listen to the show. Twenty feet away just isn't far enough to stop sound."  Thanks for the entertainment.

-- Your neighbor.

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